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Honestly, I didn’t really remember much about the song O Come, O Come Emmanuel until the other day when it came on in the car with my uncle and he declared it be a second-tier Christmas song. I agreed with him, after all, it wasn’t exactly one of my favorite hymns to sing in church, I mean it’s not Joy to the World or Angels We Have Heard On High, the classics all good Christmas services sing. However, I found myself inexplicably drawn to listening to the song the other day when driving.

I was surprised, once I listened to the lyrics, how much I resonated with the song, especially considering the books of the Bible I am currently reading. Towards, the end of each year as I finish up my Bible reading plan, I end with some of the heaviest parts of the Bible at what the world declares to be the happiest time of the year.

I just finished up Revelation, and because I didn’t exactly read my Bible every day like I am supposed to, I am a little further behind in my Old Testament reading. That is why during December I find myself camped out in books like Job, Lamentations, Ezekiel, and Micah. You know the real joy-filled books.

As I was listening to Lauren Daigle’s voice fill my car, I intently listened to the main chorus of the song. Which is “rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel will come to thee oh Israel.” In my head, I know what the gist of what the song is about. It is about the Israelites rejoicing, though they are in hardship and captive right now, knowing that one day the Messiah that Isaiah and the other prophets prophesied about will come and they will be saved.

However, this is probably the first year that the story of the Israelites throughout the entirety of the Old Testament really stuck with me. You know beyond the ways that our Sunday school classes make fun of the Israelites for being so foolish and pastors get extra laugh points for bringing them down in a sermon. I mean, who doesn’t love a good golden calf joke?

With the help of my trusty Biblical commentary, I was able to understand better the words of the minor prophets and the major prophets like Jeremiah and Isaiah. I was able to understand the true horror that the Israelites would have experienced when they were forcefully removed from their homes and taken captive to Babylon. How much fear they would have had, how they wouldn’t have understood what was happening, how they were thinking to themselves they would never be able to go home.

And yes, I am not defending the Israelites for not making their bed and lying in it so to speak, but my heart is just as idolatrous and sinful as theirs and I have not been uprooted to another country. To put it in perspective when King Nebuchadnezzar came and forced the people of Israel to exile in Babylon, besides a small subset of poor people he left to work the land( Jeremiah was included in this group), he moved an entire people group 1678.2 miles from their home.

Yep, that is right Jersaulem was 1678.2 miles from Babylon. And there were no Ubers to get them there y’all, the Israelites had to literally walk away from their home and know they probably weren’t ever going to see it again.

Now, what does this exile have to do with this Christmas song? I believe it relates because for all the crap that churches and pastors give the Israelites there is one thing that they have that should be commended, and that is their hope. We see this in the minor and major prophets who while prophesying Israel’s demise also prophesy God’s ultimate redemption of His people. We see this in Nehemiah when he literally rebuilds the temple from scratch once returning from exile. We see this in the hope and faith of a people group that didn’t hear from God for 400 years after the book of Malachi.

I think this is important to note because we all face our time in Babylon in the modern world today. For you that might look like losing a job, or a relationship, or not being able to pay your bills. It might be a strained family relationship, crippling loneliness, or not being able to accomplish a dream. You might find yourself in Babylon for a year or so, or for many years at a time. But the point I want to make today is that there is hope in Babylon. There was hope for the Israelites who God literally turned His back on, and there is hope from you. Because no matter how much we mess up, God never abandons those that He loves.

As I have gotten older, I have found that life is less all bad or all good at one period of time but rather a mix. I feel that on most given days I could list out a whole series of things that are good or I am excited about, but in the same token list hard things, I am learning or going through. I once heard on a podcast that our lives are not filled with hills and valleys, but our lives are more like two train tracks running beside one another. One of the train tracks is all the good in life and the other is bad. They run side by side as we make our way through life because there is always some beauty in hardship and always some hardship in beauty.

But, as many of you know, we do experience seasons where we really feel that we are in the thick of Babylon. That we have been banished or punished by God and He is not going to save us.

So if that is how you are feeling going into this New Year or looking back at the year you had and thinking that it wasn’t worthwhile, remember the Israelites. Remember that we too can hold tight to the same promise that Emmanuel is coming again for us soon. Even the book of Lamentations, arguably the most depressing book of the Bible ends in hope.

I know it can be easy to look at the world around us and not see hope, not see that God is coming or anywhere to be found. But He is there. In the Christmas songs that we sing, the funny joke our co-worker tells, the falling of fresh snow, the kind card written from someone we love. He is there in our mundane and in our smallest moments of suffering, as well as in our largest.

I hope that as you look towards 2020, you remember the song O Come O Come Emmanuel, and realize that God is going to set us all free of our sin someday and we will be captives no longer.

Here is the link to the O Come O Come Emmanuel lyrics!

Now, I am the first person to admit that being single and a young adult in today’s modern age is no easy feat. Especially with the almost never-ending parade of couples posing in front of Christmas trees, kissing around you on New Years, or just writing unbearable captions on Instagram. It can be enough to make anyone feel insecure, especially women like myself who find themselves single as they head into the New Year.

I admit that I have fallen into the trap of self-pity during the holiday and winter seasons before, thinking something is wrong with me for being alone while so many people around me on social media seem to be declaring that they have found their soul mate. I have fallen into the thinking that my year won’t be deemed successful unless I find someone to bring home to my family or spend the holidays with this time next year.

But friends, it’s time to stop hating our singleness, to stop comparing ourselves to every touched up and perfectly captioned photo on the internet, and to make goals for the New Year that matter much more than how many dates we can go on.

In today’s article, I want to help you take a break from the monotony of couples pictures, engagement announcements, and tell you some hard truths about singleness in our modern age. Are you ready to stop complaining about your lack of fortune or binging another rom-com on Netflix? Good, let’s get started.

 If You Act Like a Spinster, People Will Treat you Like a Spinster

Sadly, I think that one of the biggest fears that young women, older women, and women of frankly every age face, is the fear of being what is considered a spinster. This is a woman who is typically older who has never been married and has no children. We normally imagine her as a wrinkly, not attractive older woman, who most likely has a mole on the side of her lip or some other unseemly blemish that makes you smile without showing your teeth when you see her.

She may have a lazy eye. She wears too much overwhelming perfume. And all the other old women in the congregation steer clear of her. Sure, there is always someone like Pam who tries to befriend the spinster, or the spinster still attends the church she grew up in so she can sit with her family every week. I know that in my church congregation, there were several women I considered spinsters, who still went to church with their older mother. I was horrified at the thought of that becoming me. However, I just want to say that my mother is fantastic and would be a very good church going companion.

I have found in recent years as I have reached the age that people are getting married, in serious relationships, or want to be, that the fear of becoming a quote on quote spinster, has reached astronomical levels.

But the real concern for you shouldn’t be becoming old and unmarried. In the Bible, Paul praises people that can be single, Jesus talks about how what the world views as status and praiseworthy aren’t important to Him. We as women are called by God to do extraordinary tasks that aren’t only able to be completed if we are married.

So though society places enormous pressure on getting married and pumping out 2.5 kids, God has never put that kind of pressure on his children. But out of this fear of singleness that women have created, I think a new monster has been allowed to be born; she is the young adult spinster.

That is the friend or person at church that we all know. The girl who is constantly bemoaning her singleness, crying woe is me on Facebook about her singleness, and even if you don’t really know her, will inform you of how she didn’t go on a date last year and that there are no single men around.

Friends, don’t become the young adult spinster. Try hard not to be the girl who chooses only to see one side of her singleness. Don’t succumb to being cranky, to cursing your friends who are in relationships, to letting bitterness and envy eat away at your heart until there is nothing left to tempt people to be your friends much less a man.

If you act like something is wrong with you because you are single, people will start to see that you’re single because something is wrong with you. But, if you act like you are beautiful, talented, smart, the daughter of the King which you are, people won’t remember that you are single.

They won’t tell people who ask about you that you’re single, they’ll tell people what a great friend you are, how you’re funny, and how you’re hardworking. They will want to set you up with the people they know who are single because they can see the amazing qualities you have because you show them off.

And yes, there is most definitely a time and place that you can be sad about being single. There are plenty of nights you are welcome to cry yourself to sleep. You are allowed to talk and ask for prayer from close friends to help spur you to grow to be content in singleness. And if you need to talk about the unfairness of that mean girl from high school or college getting engaged, call your mother and talk your heart out. But what you are not allowed to do is let your singleness be the only thing that defines you.

So, this year, instead of being the Debby Downer of singleness, put your identity in Christ and Him alone. Not in how many matches you get on online dating, how many of your friends are engaged when you aren’t, or if you find someone this year at all. Put your identity in the One who created you and cares for you. The One who knows what you need and what you don’t need. The One who understands that you are feeling painfully alone at times in your singleness. But don’t let yourself become a young adult spinster, don’t continue to allow this epidemic to spread.

Put Yourself Out There

I have a real problem with single women complaining about being single but doing absolutely nothing to change that. They are the type of women who are content waiting in their homes and are certain that God will bring them their husband on a silver platter when the time is right. And I am not saying that there isn’t a tremendous amount of God’s hand in the person you end of marrying. But, we can’t just be passive if we are looking to go on dates or find someone to be our boyfriends. We have to do our part so that God can do His.

That might mean that you join a small group that is mixed, or you join a rec league at the Y, or you do online dating. If you aren’t meeting available single men somewhere in your life, then you are going to be alone. That is not meant to be harsh; it’s just a fact. If all you do is sit at home and watch TV, the only guy who could be your husband is the Fed-ex or pizza guy.

I know that this is a flaw I want to work on this year as well. Sometimes I can hide behind the thought of online dating instead of just going up to people at my young adult group and talking to them. Not to say that you should be throwing yourself at any boy that is single and breathing at your church, but, we need to stop being so afraid to approach men. And we need to go up to men, with nothing in our hearts but the desire to find a new friend or work on communicating with the opposite sex better.

We need to get used to talking to more men and having guy friends. To not treat every interaction we have with a person of the opposite sex in the church as a signed contract of marriage. You can talk to guys, not want to date them, and still have them benefit your life. Single women need guy friends. They are the ones who can give you advice, can introduce you to other guys, and add a lot of depth to your relationships when you are still waiting to get married.

I know that many people will say you’ll either marry your guy friends or stop talking to them when you get married. That’s not wrong thinking. Not that you can’t continue to have friendships with the opposite sex when you’re in relationships or married, but it’s not the same. You can’t just go out with Joe to a movie or get pizza when you have a boyfriend. But, guy friendships can teach you so much about life and about the opposite sex. They can help to fill that hole of singleness so that you don’t become the young adult spinster.

So, this year, I am encouraging myself especially, and others, to just go up and talk to actual men. I promise you they aren’t going to think you’re weird or something is wrong with you. Act confident, not like you’re a burden, and people are going to like talking to you, I promise. Find ways to expose yourself to actual single men, and who knows? You might meet someone.

Trust Who God Created You To Be

You need to get to a point where you believe that nothing is wrong with you if you’re single. Try to get to a place this year where you can be happy for those around you in relationships and who are engaged because you genuinely love them and love yourself. An excellent tip to remember is, just because someone is getting into a relationship, doesn’t mean they got into a relationship instead of you.

There are still plenty of great Godly men out there. I definitely have to remind myself of this when someone online asks me if I want to be their friends with benefits, but I assure you it’s true. You are a great, great creation. God has plans, and goals, and purposes for your life. You were not an accident. Just because that boy you like at church hasn’t noticed you, doesn’t mean that you are unworthy of being noticed. You are.

I hope that this article has encouraged you to let go of the stigma and inner judgment that comes with being single, and can permit you to embrace your singleness this coming year. To throw yourself into different activities you want to try. To make and commit to finishing those hard goals you’ve always wanted. To do the hard work of growing in your faith, and other relationships.

Embrace this season, because one day, maybe sooner than you think, it’s going to be over. And you might look back and wonder, did I miss out on truly living out my single life well?

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